I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
