She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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