It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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