$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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