He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
