please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I fill condoms, not promises.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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