They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
