And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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