I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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