I don't remember. Are we still dating?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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