There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
