flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
