woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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