I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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