You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
