he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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