that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
