You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
