there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
