Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
