I'm jealous of your bromance
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
