i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
