I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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