i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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