im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
