Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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