i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
