So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
