Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
