Will you blow on my dice?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
