The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
