yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
