is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize