ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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