I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
