My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Randomize
