last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
