Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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