its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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