He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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