If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She told me I should be a condom model.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
