I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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