He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
