I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
