This is not my ceiling
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize