Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
