I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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