in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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