He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
