So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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