I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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