OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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