Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
