Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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