I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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