i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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