So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
