i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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