I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
