i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
