Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just cut my nipple shaving
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
