He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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