She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
