New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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