Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
