WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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