a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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