i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize