U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
