i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
