nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
