Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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