i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
