Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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