its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
