Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
