I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
