I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Shame - the story of my life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize