So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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