Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
