I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize