from now on my penis is your penis
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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