I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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