So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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