This girl is more easily done than said...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
