I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i was born a porn star she said
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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