I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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