I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
