The maid of honor just puked.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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