Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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