haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
