you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
