i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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