Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
