Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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