i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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