I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize