i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
