im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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