something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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