I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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