haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
