update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
