i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
