He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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