we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
