Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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