I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Bring me that man meat
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize