I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
