I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
