I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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