I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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