Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
